My Story
My spiritual awakening began with Christ at age 15, a radical shift that changed the trajectory of my life. Much of my early formation was shaped by my involvement in YoungLife, deep friendships, my church, Camp Crestview, and a collection of mentors who valued the abiding presence of the Holy Spirit. Many of these influences stemmed from the denomination known as The Foursquare Church.
It was through these experiences and relationships that I felt a nudge toward vocational ministry as a young adult. As I responded to God’s promptings, my service took shape as a credentialed minister. I held various leadership roles locally, regionally, and nationally within my Foursquare family for over 30 years.
Throughout my thirties, I enjoyed equipping and releasing women and men for roles in ministry. I was also recognizing the all-to-common warning signs that often sidelined leaders. These unfortunate examples became my motivation to find new ways to feed my inner life and offset the unhealthy ideals and expectations that came with influence.
My hunger made me curious. I was open to new streams of the Church that cultivated deeper spiritual maturity. I wanted my inner life to match the growing outer influence of my ministry responsibilities. This was transformational, and brought increased depth and greater clarity to my personal calling. I stepped into my first role as a senior pastor with a collaborative style of leadership that was less production oriented and not so pastor-centric. It included a slower rhythm and approach, and valued being with God as much as doing things for God.
But then I hit a wall. A wilderness of sorts…
This came as family member descended into a ten-year addiction spiral. The agonizing chaos of their choices brought me to a demoralizing breaking point. A grinding futility seemed to mock my ideals and erode my confidence. My charisma and skill had reached their limits. Winter had descended on my soul. Cold, futile and seemingly dead. Yet, there was something happening deep below the surface.
The Lord met me in that vulnerable place of exhaustion as I cried out, “This is NOT the way it’s supposed to be!!!” God invited me to something new. Most of my life had been relating to others out of my strengths, which were often not relatable. Now, in my weakness, I more fully understood a brokenness that connected me with the rest of humanity—a sober reminder that we all have places in our lives that are “not the way it’s supposed to be.” The good news of Jesus seemed more relevant than ever.
The ensuing years continued to bring a humble awareness of my own limitations. I came to see the goodness of God even in the broken and complicated parts of me and in the world around me. I lived through grief by leaning into the support of loved ones, mentors, a therapist, Al-Anon, and spiritual director. I found new acceptance and purpose through pain as I embraced change and limits to my control.
Looking back, it was a critical season of spiritual differentiation—I found greater personal distinction without a need to disconnect from my roots. I was leaning less on charisma and adrenaline as my fuel, while my devotional practices included more contemplative ways of relating with God. I experienced rays of sunshine that were melting away a wintery season.
Eventually, I could sense the Lord leading me to step away from my role as senior pastor. It was a pleasure to pass the baton to my associate who was ready and willing. I spent the next two years without any official role in vocational ministry. There was no scandal or crisis. I simply wanted to pivot away from organizational leadership for personal clarity and a repurposed calling. This change was accompanied by the global pandemic, which kept me quiet and more introverted for a season. I grieved my losses and let God bring healing and freshness within.
This new chapter in my story led me to the ministry of SoulFriend. I look forward to walking alongside others who may need an experienced guide with a friendly approach to this transforming soul work.
